


Commandments

by Libbyfay



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 6000 Years of Slow Burn (Good Omens), Canon Compliant, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Evil, How Do I Tag, I'm to blame they never check up?, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Random & Short, Short & Sweet, Softie Crowley (Good Omens), not so evil, principles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 04:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19804849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Libbyfay/pseuds/Libbyfay
Summary: If you were going to blame the forces of Hell for something occurring on earth, then the finger naturally pointed to Crowley.





	Commandments

After the Fall, which had royally sucked, Crowley had accepted something important about reality. Namely, that you can’t trust the bastards. All of them... inclusive.

And this had been really liberating, for a while. He’d actually convinced himself that he enjoyed the whole demon bit. There was certainly a lot of freedom in living completely for himself and not trusting anyone. Unfortunately, not long after that, he’d met the first and only exception to this rule. That one (adorable) exception had been infuriating him for centuries because Crowley rather liked blanket principles. Not other people’s principles of course, but his own.

For example, Crowley spent the millennia doing evil deeds because that’s what everyone expected, but he had his own unique and personal definition of evil. Everything he did on earth, in the service of Hell, had to meet three criteria. Commandments, if you will:

1) Actions taken must be funny.  
2) Things inflicted should be either: a) what humans are asking for OR b) what they deserve.  
3) No actions should ever be bad enough to cause Aziraphale to stop talking to him.

Neither Hell, nor Aziraphale himself, knew anything about these criteria. If anyone else had known about the rules, it could have shed some light on the unfolding of history.

Most of the really awful things in human history were said to have been caused by demonic intervention, and if you were going to blame the forces of Hell for something occurring on earth, then the finger naturally pointed to Crowley. He was the serpent after all, the original field-operative with all the wiles, so the bad stuff had to be his demonic work, didn’t it?

There were commendations on file in Hell stating that the demon Crowley was responsible for burning down the library at Alexandria. But this was, of course, nonsense, when such an act would have violated #3.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've ever written or posted fan fic, but the ineffable husbands have taken up residence in my brain. I'm going to be posting more actual scenes in the near future. I'd love to hear from you!


End file.
